Last time I mention this campaign

I think the truncated, Eminem-less Chrysler ad that they've been showing on TV (I can't find a copy of it online) post-Super Bowl is much better than the full length (better in that I think it makes their point better. I don't know if it'll sell cars or if their point is one that should be made in the first place: people have argued that it would be better to focus on the domestic car industry's improved product quality before making a general "Detroit is cool" statement and maybe they're right.)(This relates to my shorter is better idea about how the huge majority of albums should be under 30 minutes and how Kanye's latest album should've been released in "gym edit" (stripped down to the essence for Tim Taylor-like power) and "director's cut" (with all the ornate artistic flourishes that add a third to the run time of the album) editions.)

The Devil Inside

Do you ever feel like God is punishing Detroit? That nothing can be simply enjoyed? That every silver lining was manufactured by anti-union Ohio State dropouts in Akron?

The Sweatpant King passes along this depressing story about our prophesied savior (therefore the Sky itself will give you a sign: the woman will know not gasoline but will give birth to a car, and she will call him Volt. And the Sky will look down on the Volt and say: this is the chosen one, with him I am well-pleased.)

The story is almost poetic in its cruelty. 1. The Volt has to maintain a certain minimum temperature while it's charging. 2. This winter has been brutal. 3. To stave off (totally justified) certain death, rats climb into the relatively warm underbelly of the Volt. 4. Rats are disgusting. 5. I'm no scientist and I'm too lazy to read, but I think humans hating rats is pure biological instinct, an evolutionary response to the plague. 6. I don't know enough about evolution to know if you can develop an evolutionary response in a few centuries. 7. Now that I type that, I remember that people in China and some places in Africa eat rats, so my two lonely fragments of half-digested information are in conflict. 8. Mich, how'd you know about the international rat consumption if you're too lazy to read? Facebook picture albums. 9. As you might have assumed, it's not good to have rats living in your car: certain mechanical problems can occur. 10. I'm hibernating until July.

In conclusion: just when you thought winter couldn't get any worse and that rats couldn't get any worse, they form like Voltron to multiply their soul-killing power into a destructive force the world could not possibly have imagined. And the Packers are the Super Bowl champions. And tomorrow is Monday.

(Wait, must draw strength from the Chrysler ad. Must remember. Must give thanks. Rats are stupid, we can solve this. Winter will be over in six months, we can survive this. This is the motor city, this is what we do.)

Praise God for Detroit and the Dirtbombs. I'll go hard this week.

You called another time

Detroit eighth grader interviews Eminem for her school newspaper. I interviewed the notoriously taciturn Geoffrey Fieger when I was about that age, and I think that was my last journalistic encounter with a quasi-celebrity (he's a celebrity by Michigan standards.)

I also did the first ever interview of Caleb from Starling Electric in the year 2000.



He was less animated then.

It's been a long time, shouldn't have left you

My brother reminded me of an old blog we used to typity type on, and I'm still so far behind on work from being out of Michigone for a couple of weeks that I can't write anything new just yet. So let's go all the way back to 2008 for some embarassingly dated proclamations related to Detroit sports. (These are all from the first page of entries, I'm tired and lazy.)

Me:

Maybe the biggest question in sports right now is: just how good are the Hornets?... If the Stones can’t win this year, I’d love to see Nawlins do it.

The Hornets were the biggest story in all of sport? And if the Stones can't win this year. How young we were. How precious. How innocent. If the Stones can't win this year.

Pat, after a playoff win against the Celtics:

[Stuckey is] going to be a stud, like i said after watching him in the summer league. A little coming out party tonight much like tayshaun had against the magic back in his rookie year... Michigone, you still want to blow this team up and start over?

Yes, yes I do.

And here is TBone, typically restrained and subtle, after a penalty against the Wings:

i dont know if i can ever be friends with any of you ever again. the man paul bunyoned osgood in the chest. if that was your precious lebron james who suffered a shove while trying to dunk everyone would be up in arms. it doesnt matter if osgood was trying to protect his defensemen, or if he called riberio a pussy and then said he raped his wife. you dont ax hack some dude in the chest. and osgood is a crafty veteran and took a dive when that happened, smart move. i hope mccarty busts riberio's face open. then i hope he comes to this blog and tells you all are a disgrace to fandom of your HOME TEAM.

go cheer for the stars guys. seriously, i don't know any of you.

this is why the stands are empty. too much objectivity. this is subjectivity. this is detroit hockey. the red wings. i'm very upset with all of you. i feel like the native american (though i'm actually an italian dude) when he sees young people throw bags of garbage out their car window. right now, theres a tear streaming down my face reading what you write.

Yup, this is my friend.

What you know about the Great Lakes?

I need to grow, I need to go deep, I need to fast, I need to switch from donuts to Donuts.

This is what we do

This is worth saving:

Spirit of Detroit

Twitter rants are always painful to read because saying a lot requires many 140 character bursts and the viewer has to scroll down and find the beginning and then work her way back up to the top. So here's Michael Moore tweet take on the Chrysler commercial presented like paragraphs:

Re: Eminem/Chrysler ad: Putting aside the idiot execs who ran the Big 3 in2 the ground & putting aside(!) how cars melt the polr ice caps... Those of us from Detroit/Flint etc area will NEVER let Det & MI die. We r suffering through a 1-state depression, people feel abandoned... We created the Amer mid class. We were the 1s who fought 4 decent wages/health care/safer work cond--our unions&strikes made that happen... & we MI gave u Aretha, Supremes, Stevie, Madonna, Iggy, WhiteStripes, FrancisCoppola, SDS, corn flakes &Thomas Edison grew up in Pt Huron... So when the ad says "Imported from Detroit," how does it feel to think of us as a foreign country, no longer part of your America?

I'll tell u how WE feel: Your America is letting the rich run all of us in2 the ground. I'm sorry, but that's just not an option. U with us? That statue in the spot is called "Spirit of Detroit." The murals were painted by the socialist Diego Rivera. That JoeLouis fist? That's us. Thx 4 listening 2 that. I'm glad the spot ran. Moving. Reminded us Michiganders that all's not lost (btw that car's built in Detroit) Nite!