On Michael Moore and winter and the economy

Michigan’s biggest problem is the weather. Specifically, the winter. It snows every day, every, single, day, I can’t stand it. As soon as I make enough money I’m establishing dual residency in Michigan and Costa Rica and you won’t see me from when the Lions are mathematically eliminated from playoff contention until the Tigers’ home opener. Unless you live in Costa Rica, in which case, holler at your boy. And, actually, it’s always freezing for Tigers’ opening day, so I’ll be back in June for the Stanley Cup parade. Our only hope on this matter is that global warming continues to the point that Michigan becomes a thin strip of grass from Houghton to Detroit, an archipelago like the Florida Keys on HGH, and I’ll be living in a loft in Lansing that overlooks both Lake Michigan and Lake Huron.

Michigan’s second biggest, and even more depressing, problem is the economy.

I was in self-exile in Boston for eight years, I just got back two weeks ago, I don’t know up from down, I’m looking for something, I’m hungry. And who is always interesting and provocative and happens to live down the street? Michael Moore, who did a lengthy interview with the Traverse City Record-Eagle recently. Check the first minute of this (or watch the whole thing, but I’m only going to talk about the first minute right now):



Even Michael Moore becomes boring and conventional when talking about the economy! No wonder that we’re thoroughly unenthused whenever politicians (who are best served to never take strong positions about anything) talk about this stuff.

I love Michael Moore, I was an early adopter, “Roger & Me” influenced me deeply when I was a kid. When Michael Moore first came into the record store that I worked at, probably around the year 2000 when I was 16, I swooned like a Spice Girl had entered the room (probably the first time Mr. Moore has gotten that comparison) and forced myself to go talk to him: “Hi, Mr. Moore, sorry to bother you, I’m a big fan, I love your movies, I love your writing, I love your hat, I love the music videos you made for Rage Against the Machine, what are Rage Against the Machine like, oh they’re cool, they seem cool, I bet they’re cool, it’s nice to hear they’re cool.” He politely continued shopping and when I rang him up I was shocked that he used a credit card: Michael Moore, using a credit card! Shouldn’t he be leading protests against the banks or something? Shouldn’t he be paying me with autographs from Zach de la Rocha or something? Shouldn’t I be paying him for something? And when he became one of the most important filmmakers of the last decade, I felt weirdly validated, like it was a recognition of Michiganders everywhere: I’ve seen this dude, he really exists, and he’s doing something, he’s saying something, he’s building something, it’s possible. And he’s polite! And he uses credit cards!

I know I’m being critical and unfair here, but in that video clip Michael Moore says if he was in charge the first thing he would do is appoint a jobs ambassador to represent the region and talk about how awesome it is to live and work here and try to convince people to move their operations from somewhere else to here and--I don’t know, am I crazy?--it just seems too small. We’re playing a rigged game and we’re getting killed and we’re losing everything but we’re too scared to leave the table. Or at least ask for a new deck. And we just keep playing with the same people and we can’t believe how bad our hands are getting.

Even worse than the insecurity about our tangible livelihoods is the helplessness, the psychological toll that comes from not knowing how to make life better. The death of organized labor has left a gaping ideological hole in our discourse. The Democrats have no clear argument about the economy and the Republicans just want less taxes and less regulation and demand more and more takebacks from the remaining stable, unionized, middle class (those three used to all mean the same thing) jobs: teachers, nurses, government workers.

That being said, it’s a great time to be rich in Michigan. Hopefully my business takes off (I’m starting a line of super high-end dental floss that uses GPS technology) before the economy rebounds and I can buy the whole village of Northport for the price of the SUV it’ll cost me to drive to my house when all municipal roads are no longer plowed.

In all seriousness, I loved working in the service sector, I never had more fun at a job than selling records to the regulars and to tourists and to Michael Moore. But I was 16, and I recycled every penny I had back into the store (trickle-up economics, pay vinyl addicts to work in your music store.) Now I’m 26 and I want more and I don’t know where to find it.